Today’s flip on Maxwell is bad. Almost as bad as my week has been. Going through the after photos of Maxwell was like watching a sad movie when you’re already feeling sad: weirdly comforting knowing that the ugliness you’re feeling inside is mirrored in the world. From time to time I’ve BUI’d (blogged under the influence) (like here and here) but today I’m blogging while despondent (BWD). If you’ve been following my recent posts you may think it has to do with the potential flip that got away, but alas, it doesn’t. This week I have the mom-blues.
Even though I’m a mom and that takes up 99.9% of my brain most days, I rarely bring that side here because…well… we’re not trying to have a mom-blog. (Not that there’s anything wrong with mom blogs.) But this week, man oh man, my 3rd grader’s behavior has destroyed me. And as I sat down to write today’s FFF, I realized that I needed to share a little about my mom-whoas so you would understand why this post may be bitter or off.
I’ll spare you the gory details about my kid’s escapade but I will say that the horrors of this week have involved a switch blade, a stolen cell phone and pick-pocketing, and caused one of the neighborhood kid’s mom to shake, me to cry and my kid to be on lock down in his room until…I no longer want to strangle him.
But enough boring mom stuff, let’s get back to why you’re here: the flip!
Recently, I’ve been struggling to find flips with before pictures. I think realtors are on to me…ha! Like any realtor’s even know about this blog. Realtors probably don’t want any potential buyers doing what I do. Anyway, I know very little about this house before…okay, the only thing I know is how much they bought the house for last year.
Maxwell is located in the Maxwell Park neighborhood — very meta. I talked about this neighborhood before here and since that post this neighborhood has only gotten hotter, making the fact that this house is still for sale surprising. Except it won’t be surprising once you see the inside.
How They Did IMHO?
I’m not sure how 2 “I’d-rather-die” ratings plus 1 “not-feeling-it” results in an overall score of “not-feeling-it”. #headscratcher
Basically, I do not care for this house. There is so much wrong with it. From beginning to end, they made the wrong design decisions in almost every single instance: paint, lighting, flooring, kitchen, bathroom, etc…or maybe I’m just a bitter-mama who’s hating life and can’t see beauty in the world…nah! This house is fugly…(um, is this the first time I’ve used that word here? how is that possible?!)
This house has made it official: yellow doors is the new black — or red in the case of doors. Translation: a new trend.
And I must say, I’m hating it. What do you think? You probably love it and I’ve just offended you. Sorry. Please don’t take it personal: yellow just isn’t my jam. So making a yellow door stand out is really not going to do it for me. I think the dark gray paint is also offending my senses. It’s either too dark or not warm enough to go with all the brick. Thoughts?
Living Room: after
At first plush this room isn’t offensive but look carefully. Do you see something off?
That’s right, it’s because every surface is a dark gray color: floor, walls and ceiling. There are a lot of windows and the white trim brighten up the space, but most people will cover the windows up (understandably) and put books in the book case, which will only make this room darker.
In this next shot you’ll see how dark the room feels because there are less windows in this shot.
Dining Room: after
This room made me mad for two reasons: (1) it’s fugly (ha!) and (2) my writing isn’t strong enough to convey to you how much this room offends my senses. I do not understand the tan, stacked stone half way up the wall. If they wanted/needed to cover something up, why not use painted white paneling (or even shiplap). That would tie into the white bookcase in the other room much better, which reads more traditional school like paneling. This stacked stone reads: ski cabin in Colorado.
Okay this space more than any other is the most offensive, and it angered me because it made me eat my architectural preservationist’s words.
The cabinets appear original to the house and you all know what a psycho I am about keeping original details, but in this case, they probably should have ripped them out.
I say this largely because of the dead space they failed to address where the cabinets end to the right of the sink. They probably opened up the kitchen into the dining room and so they didn’t need to keep the minuscule eat-in area in the kitchen. The better move would have been to extend the cabinets under the window all the way to the other wall, which may have only been possible had they put in all new cabinets.
Okay, I’ll give you a break from my snarkiness and show you two bedrooms. They’re boring spaces and they suffer from the same paint-problem as the living room but in a bedroom it feels more fitting. Though to be clear, I’m still not feeling it.
Okay back to our previously scheduled snarkiness…These bathrooms are so bad. Starting with the first bathroom, which I think is the guest bath. The problem here is easily fixed with paint. The baby blue and warm gray vanity really clash.
The second bathroom doesn’t seem like it could be fixed with paint alone but I truly think it could be because the shower stall and floor tile appear to be in the same “warm” color family. Paint alone won’t change how ugly the shower tile is but a better wall color would de-emphasize how brown it seems now.
There is a lot of basement space here, some of it finished and unfinished, but all of it is…that’s right…gray. Ugh. I can’t even handle this house anymore. I’ll spare you any more of my bitterness and let you digest the pictures on your own.
Well there you have it. What’d you think of Maxwell?
P.S. At about 10 p.m. tonight, I had a much different post written. But after Mr. Man read it and said “Whoa. That’s dark”, I decided to spare you. Maybe one of these days I’ll be brave enough to share that post but that’ll probably depend on whether we get a “happy-ending” with the boy. Wish us luck because we really need it.